Thursday Morning: Since I have “retired” from the working world, I have found that the best time to do my Bible study homework (from my Monday night study group) is first thing in the morning. Early mornings are quiet around here, plus a lot of little birds come to my feeders at that time, and I get to watch them and be amazed by their beauty and antics as I study.
We’ve been encouraged to ask God to “sit” with us as we study … JOIN us in person (!!) as we look into His Word. That way, it’s not just homework— merely intellectual/academic learning, mechanical filling in answers to questions. Asking the Lord to sit at my table with me and teach me is personal. “What do you want to show me, Lord?” “How do you want me to live?” “What on earth does THAT mean?” Those are some of the questions I ask. It’s also a time of confession and soul-bearing because He is speaking if I will only LISTEN and take His Word to heart.
Our Monday Night study this fall has been Philippians. We’ve been focused on contentment versus anxiety, and what it means for our faith to be resilient in our everyday lives.
As I sat at the table Thanksgiving morning, I was experiencing some worries and uneasiness about the upcoming day. I’ve been praying about being able to better connect with one of my boys—and I only see him a few times throughout the year—today being one of them. But our history is long and sad, for both of us I think, and I truly don’t know how to make it any different. I don’t have a “pushy” personality (usually) and I don’t want to barge in on his life and be obnoxious; but this distance is really quite unacceptable to me as a mom. In the past, though, he has given pretty strong cues that he doesn’t want a relationship with me—no photographs, no hugs, no conversation really. I want to respect this choice he has made to be distant—but then I am plagued with thinking that he possibly could feel like I have erased him, never think about him, don’t care about him a single bit. I pray FOR him all the time, but … I haven’t (until recently) asked the Lord to change this sad dynamic that exists between us.
One of the “homework” questions this week involved a few cross-references regarding spiritual resources for contentment. I have a habit that when I look up a Scripture reference, I look to the preceding verses as well as what follows so that I can grasp the context of what is being said. One of the Scriptures was Romans 8:28-29—a well-known passage promising that God would work everything in our lives out for our good and His glory.
The verses that precede (vs 26-27) say this: “ . . . the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don’t even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.” (New Living Translation).
Webster defines distress as “suffering of body and mind; pain, anguish, desperate need; strain, upset, difficulty."
I did a word study on, “groan”, looking up the Greek word and found that it is closely related to GRIEVE (which is an inward unexpressed feeling of sorrow), or “a cry of grief.” If you cross-reference where this word comes from and is used similarly you can find it (Hebrew equivalent) in Exodus 2.7 when God “heard their cries” and remembered His promise to His children. It says He looked down and felt “deep concern for their welfare.” And also Exodus 3.7 where it says: “You can be sure I have seen the misery of my people in Egypt and have heard their cries.”
God spoke to my sorrow as I studied this out. His own Spirit goes before Him and communicates the inexpressible agony of heart … the questions I am too afraid to ask my son (i.e. what can I do to be allowed into your life?), the unknown future for him, the feeling of having abandoned him, the hopeless sameness of year after year distance …
After I talked to God about all of this I had a real peace about the day ahead. God’s Spirit is meeting on my behalf, telling Him my fears and questions, the longings of my heart. No wonder Paul writes that God works everything together for the good of those who love Him! Verse 29 says that I have been chosen by God to become like His Son. Verse 30 says I have been given a right standing with Him and a promised future glory. The chapter concludes with saying that if God is FOR me, nothing can ever be AGAINST me. God gave us His own Son. He will also give us EVERYTHING we need to continue following Him.
I was filled with SUPER thanksgiving inside. No worries. God will work this out. Some day, there will be no dread or fear, no separation, no animosity, no bad memories—just quiet and peace and His love that reconciles lost people to Him … and to each other.
So today, I will greet my son with intention and hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment