April 10

Friday:  I have to ask myself, again and again ... Is it right to love someone as much as I love my Emma? It is hard for me to put into words, so perhaps I don't have to try. Trust me. Being banished and exiled from her now for 21 days is very difficult ...

 I dropped off Matt's birthday card over at the house today, wearing a mask and gloves. I tip-toed upstairs to his bedroom and gave it to him. Just across the hallway is Emma's room ... should I knock? Should I just open the door a little crack so that I can SEE her ... 

 I took the chance and I did softly knock and then open the door. She was laying in her bed. It was dark in her room. I whispered that I had dropped off a birthday card for Matthew and that I couldn't be THIS close to her and not at least say "hi." She sat up and reached out her arms. Our hug was warm and tight and very loving. I glimpsed at her lovely face--she had cut some pretty bangs--I told her she looked darling (she did!) and that I loved her so much ... she looked very sad and like she had been crying. Oh, my heart ...

... and then down the stairs I went and walked to my car ... and cried, sobbed, all the way home. Is it right to love someone this much? She is my granddaughter, my first grandchild, and I love WHO she is so much. Thank you, Lord, for letting me be Emma's grandma.