Thursday: This is sad to admit, but today was the first day in a very long time (years) that I worked a nine-hour day ... and it wasn't exactly WORK ... but it was responsibility and caregiving and physical playing and cleaning.
I've come to realize that one of the reasons (of many) that I wake up afraid every morning is that I am afraid of being "overwhelmed." I am afraid something will happen that I won't be able to "handle" in a correct way. I fear "hurting" someone either by my actions or lack of action. Perhaps everyone struggles with feelings like this; but I have been plagued with them since becoming a mom 45 years ago. That's actually when it began!
I could give you many reasons why this happened and try to excuse my anxiety; but I won't! The truth is, most of it lies in a lack of confidence in the Lord--that He will really do what He promises to do--which is, to give me strength when I am weak; to give me wisdom when I don't know what to do; to teach me how to love, when my first response is to not care one single bit; to teach me how to forgive when I harbor hurtful words said or actions done ... in other words, I mostly don't trust that the Lord is in control of everything in my life. I've been thinking on this for a long while and I've been praying that I will learn and grow in my faith in HIS strength, wisdom and provision.
The other thing I realized is this: I AM LAZY. Not dreadfully lazy ... but enough that it needs changing!
I picked up little Cal this morning at 9am. He was very happy to see me, which is always a wonderful thing as a grandma. He is a very amusing little person and I enjoy being with him so much. He's a little bit hard on me physically; so I keep reminding him that I am an OLD LADY. This helps somewhat, except he will respond with: "And you are going to die!" and then he laughs! Well, at least he won't mourn my passing.
Here are a few pictures of our time at my house:
We started out with a rousing game of basketball. Cal likes to shoot hoops! He's pretty good at it too! We have a little bell we ring when we get a basket.
Cal was hungry for some Mac 'n cheese at 10:15 this morning; luckily I had some already made and could just throw it in the microwave for 60 seconds and it was ready! He ate some pretzels while his meal was nuking ...
I read him "Brave Little Finn" while he ate his meal. He really really liked the story. So did Brendan at this age! I even bought Brendan a "Little Finn" book for his 6th birthday, if I remember correctly.
10:15 was too early for me to eat lunch, so after Cal finished his Mac 'n Cheese, we played for awhile in the playroom (racing cars) and then I him a hot dog more at the usual lunch time, and fixed a salad for myself. Cal really really is a good eater. I was eating my salad and Cal asked if he could have some salad too; so I shared with him and he put most of his salad on his hotdog.
Cutie.
We briefly played with some new Playdoh colors I bought this week. Cal made his usual MONSTER and was quite put out with me when I decided I would not make a monster out of MY Playdoh. Who was he going to war with, he asked? I told him I was not in the mood for war; so our Playdoh "play" only lasted about 15 minutes today.
While I did a little clean-up around here, Cal watched a dinosaur program on Prime. We drove back to his place a little after 2:00. I had a few small cleaning projects I wanted to do around their house, and needed a little extra time before the other kiddos got home from school in order to accomplish that. I was able to get everything done that I had on my short list! Cal had fallen asleep in my car on the way to his house, and he was not at all inclined to wake up; so I just got to work and got it done more quickly than if I was playing with Cal at the same time. Brendan came home from school and we visited awhile during the time I was in the kitchen washing dishes. I think he is actually going to come and spend the night with me Sunday night! Yay!
The "littles" got home from school and we all enjoyed a nice snack together. Erin was showing me her grumpy face and asked me to take a picture of her so she could see what she looked like being grumpy.
Erin also was excited to show me how she can do the splits! She was very pleased with this picture.
Both Cal and Erin decided to make grumpy faces together ...
We also blasted off more rockets today in their great room with the very high ceiling. Cal really loves my stomp-rockets. He gets a real kick out of watching them zoom up to the ceiling.
Aidan spent most of the time in the basement, but occasionally came up to the kitchen for a snack. I bring a loaf of cinnamon bread each week to toast for them. Aidan is all about bread, so he is always glad to have a few pieces.
I was back home here by a little after 7:00 and I didn't even wash up my dishes before I sat down and did absolutely NOTHING for the next two hours! I was super tired, but happy to be loved and glad the Lord did indeed give me His strength for the day.
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