August 31 Not forgotten ...

August has once again come and gone … 

August was always a BIG month in my family of origin. My sister’s birthday is the 6th. My brother (Kevin) was born on the 14th. I was born on the 22nd. My parents’ anniversary was the 21st. While I was growing up, August was THE month. My brother David was SUPPOSED to be an August birthday, but he was late three entire weeks and didn’t show up until the third week of September; otherwise, all four of us siblings would have shared August birthdays, eight days apart.

The month of August became far more meaningful for me when my second son was born on the 7th. He was an unexpected surprise pregnancy that the Lord made very special because I got to hear his heartbeat on the very day I found out he was in my womb: January 20, 1981 (inauguration day for President Ronald Reagan). That day will always stand out for me, perhaps because of the shock of finding out another baby was on the way—but mostly because of the timing and how far the pregnancy was along … as I listened to his steady heartbeat, I loved him instantly. I have to be honest, though, I cried for the next two weeks out of sorrow for how already difficult our situation was at home.

My labor was brief and quite painless; the doctor (by the name of Dr. Cruikshank!) was amazed at the ease of your delivery. I was super thankful but a little bit overwhelmed with bringing home a newborn when there was already a 15-month old baby waiting for me there, and a not-so-stable husband who was struggling with addictions and brokenness and deep heartache of his own that just would not be healed. 

I watched my little boy grow and delighted in him in so many ways. He brought so much joy to everything around the house and even our neighborhood. He was quick to make friends, had a ready humor, and a commanding personality. I wondered if I could possibly love a child more than I loved him. 

Hard times came—stuff too difficult to write—and I lost this beloved son. I ended up making some foolish choices that further separated us and hurt our family. I’ve tried to apologize, but always with added “excuses” as to why things ended up the way they did. I grieve this very much. Not being a part of his life has been a very great loss to me.

I am thankful that I have been forgiven by the Lord, who is the Master of forgiveness. I love this quote by Reinhold Niebuhr (I have NO idea who this fellow is): “LOVE is an act of endless forgiveness. Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me. Forgiveness is the final act of love.” Endless forgiveness … that’s what the Lord does for me (for all of us!) day after day after day. His love is so perfect, so healing. And everlasting! 

This belated birthday post is just to say I love you, dear son. Perhaps one day we will be able to be in the same room and look each other straight in the eye without feeling regret, alienation, or that aching loss. I surely hope so with all of my heart.  

August 29 with Callaghan (mostly)

Tuesday:  Beginning NEXT week, I will be having Cal on Wednesday afternoons instead of Tuesdays! So this is our last Tuesday.

Cal fell asleep on the way to my house this week--probably the beautiful music I was playing. Cal doesn't demand "children's music" and seems to enjoy ALL of my favorite songs and even sings along. He is marvelous at music. I let him sleep in my car for a little while (it was very cool temperature outside--no fear of him cooking to death!) and then carried him inside to my rocking chair where he absolutely cuddled in like a sweetheart and slept another 20 minutes. I can't begin to describe the amazing comfort of those 20 minutes ... rocking this warm little child next to my heart ... 

Once awake, every time we sat down at the table for a snack or a meal, Baby Jesus and baby Bonnie HAD to be at the table with food of their own! Cal was very intentional about this and kept at me about spooning food into their mouths ...

[Years ago, Brendan named our little brown baby "Jesus" because it was near Christmas AND Kelly was really starting to "show" with Aidan.]

We spent a LOT of time zooming cars around. I've never seen a child more delighted in making cars crash together ...

We enjoyed a nice cinnamon toast treat in the afternoon ...

Our few hours HERE went by quickly! We drove over to Cal's house to await the bus with Erin and Aidan. Brendan had Cross Country practice, so Dylan was going to pick him up at 5:00. Cal and I waited inside my car, watching for the bus. Meanwhile, Cal took over the driver's seat and pushed every living button in my car--a bit disappointed because I had removed my keys--the only thing still working was the HORN, which he did enjoy beeping periodically and laughing at my alarmed facial expressions ... 

Don't you love this front window?!

We played with every little thing in the basement. I did a tiny bit of straightening up as we played.

Erin and Aidan watched a few "shows" to wind down after school. Here is Erin pretending she is a thumb sucker ... silliness!

She is cracking herself up!

I love you to pieces, Erin!

Here is "Einstein" with the controllers for the TV and video games ... he is an intense little guy.

Since Cal had not slept since about 12:15 in the afternoon, he was starting to wind down and get a little bit tired. He decided to make a "bed" out of this cardboard box ... sure ... why not?

He was quite pleased with the whole thing ...

Meanwhile, Erin requested a blanket be thrown over her on the floor so that she could go to bed as well (since Cal would not share his bed box with her).

What a bundle of character you are, CALLAGHAN!

Love these little people so much.

August 26 More KT

Saturday:  I picked up Kaity today from Diana at around 3:00. We decided to drive around a few of the hardest-hit neighborhoods from the tornado Thursday night. One of those areas is right across the street from Kaity's school over on Pine Island! We saw homes with roofs torn off, garages caved in on top of cars, and tons of downed trees and power lines. Wow. Kaity wondered if any of the damaged homes belonged to any of her classmates.

We did the usual stuff over at my house--but I did manage to get Kaity to play a few games of "Memory", so that was good. I had made some chicken-fried rice for Kaity to enjoy, and then we went over to Altitude so that Kaity could jump before going back to her mom's.

While I was cleaning up dinner, Kaity treated herself to laying on the floor UNDER the table and playing a game on her phone ... ?!?!?!

I showed Kaity the game Aidan drew up for my little Memory game. Aidan was pretty proud of himself about it and Kaity enjoyed matching up the pictures he drew.

Doesn't Kaity look SO MUCH LIKE CHRIS? I love this child.

It was very crowded over at Altitude today--lots of birthdays being celebrated. We bought Kaity an Altitude shirt--they only had XL in the CAMO print she wanted, so that's what we got. It's HUGE.

I love you, darlin' KT. I will miss you next week when I am with my brother. You are precious to me!

August 24 with KT

Thursday:  I picked Kaity-Girl up from Jesse at about 4:00. She had just been home from school for a few minutes at that point. We came over to my place to hang out for awhile, eat some dinner, and then we went to ... can you guess?!?! YES! Kaity's favorite place--at least for the moment--ALTITUDE.

I love to see Kaity "let loose", and just run and jump and do acrobats and ... PLAY! That's why I never hesitate to bring her here when she asks. It's so good for her to expend her energy this way. She always manages to socialize with other kids too--meeting new people is fun and interesting!

Kaity is getting really good at flips and really high jumps. She also likes to FALL INTO the pit, which always cracks her up.

I am so glad Kaity is in my life. I know I have a limited time with her--she is growing up fast. I think it is probably difficult for teens to spend time with "old" people ... so while Kaity is willing, I surely am thankful she is still in my world each week.

PS. I dropped Kaity back off at her mom's at about 7:40 and then drove over to Ruthanne and Terry's house to play a few games with them before going back to my house. It had been something like 91 with humidity in the high 60's the last two days. At about 8:15 the sirens went off (LOUDLY) and we were alerted there was a tornado on the ground somewhere in Kent County; so we took shelter in their small bathroom (with no windows) and sweated it out in there for about 15 minutes until the all-clear.

It turns out that the tornado touched down somewhere around 6 Mile and Alpine and stayed on the ground for about 12 minutes lifting up again around Rockford High School. No one was seriously injured or killed--so thankful. The WINDS were something to hear and many trees were down and debris was everywhere. No damage to Ruthanne's house or to mine; but several folk here in the complex had damage to their car ports and several large trees were down.

August 22 Alone with Cal

Tuesday: Yes! It IS my birthday ... but it's really just another day in actuality. I am fine with turning 70 because I am still breathing, alive, and in good health. I am thankful for another year ahead--as many as the Lord will give to me!

But more importantly, this was my FIRST day having ONLY Cal over to my house. School returned for Brendan (6th grade), Aidan (1st grade) and Erin (K). I picked Cal up at 11am from Miss Jen, and he and I came over here to play. I fancied up the little car garage with extra roads and ramps. I made a train layout that would not easily fall apart. I got out the PlayDoh and we had fun with that. We read a book about a little blue truck making friends out in the country with all of the animals--Cal really likes cars and trucks and he thought this book was pretty interesting.

Cal super liked his little bull dozer spoon, even though the wheels do NOT turn.

Cal does really well with PlayDoh and enjoys himself thoroughly. We sat her for a solid 30 minutes, with him happy the entire time.

THEN at about 3:15, we drove over to Cal's house so that we would be on time to meet the school buses with the older kids on board. I neglected to bring my camera with me, so I was stuck using my phone. I only snapped a few pictures:

These pictures loaded backwards ... but it doesn't matter. The above picture is the kids waiting for my birthday cake to be taken out of the refrigerator and sliced. I didn't take a single picture of it! Miss Jen baked it earlier in the day and it was super delicious--CHOCOLATE!

This is Aidan, avoiding my camera ... stinker.

It was nice to see Brendan! He was showing me all about his clarinet, since he is going to be learning how to play it at school this year. Yay!

This is little Cal soundly sleeping on the couch when we first arrived at his house. He was NOT easy to wake up and I wasn't successful at it until his folks arrived home actually.

It was a full day and a good one. Birthdays can be tricky. It's difficult NOT to be self-focused on that day--thinking about who I heard from and those who I didn't hear from--always a struggle for me. I am okay, though, because I know that I am loved and accepted by Jesus--who gave His life for me. Nobody else has ever done that for us--so I praise Him. And it was especially nice to be with Dylan and Kelly and these dear grandchildren too.