August 9 Catching Up

Thursday:  It's been about two weeks that I've been absent from this photo journal of mine; but I have my reasons, some of which I will now explain.

About six weeks ago (or more) I began noticing a persistent and unexplained itching in both of my lower legs (no rash). The itch was annoying, pretty constant, but I found if I used enough body lotion on them after I showered, I could get by. I also lathered cream on them before sleeping at night, which was helpful as well. 

But a little over two weeks ago, this itching spread upwards on my body to my stomach, chest, neck, and finally my FACE (chin, mouth, cheekbones, eyes, nose, forehead) to the point where it felt like something was quite literally eating me from the inside out ... and the itching would NOT stop for anything. It was especially tormenting on my face--I wanted to gouge my eyes out. I wasn't sure if I would be able to attend Calvary's services the next day or not ...

Sunday, July 28: I did attend service but was plagued all throughout with this terrible itching. That afternoon I got onto my medical chart on-line and scheduled an appointment with a nurse practitioner--there was nothing at all available at the office near my house, so the appointment was made out at their Grand Valley location for Monday morning. I asked Ruthanne and Terry to drive me out there because I didn't trust myself to operate a motor vehicle in my rather desperate condition. 

The appointment was crucial in that I at least got some semblance of hope that the itching could be stopped. They gave me a shot of Prednisone (I think) into my right hip, prescribed Zyrtec to help me get some sleep, and gave me good medicated cream for the itching. However, during that appointment the nurse casually stated that "if I did not obtain at least SOME relief by Friday" I should come back to see her again. I just as casually responded: "Oh, I won't be here on Friday or another single day if this itching doesn't stop." She asked a few quick questions, I supplied a few definite answers, and she flew out of the room to get into suicide prevention mode or some such thing ... which took me an extra 30 minutes just to get out of the office, get my prescriptions, and go home to collapse. 

I did get some good sleep Monday night and a tiny bit of relief from the itch; but by Tuesday afternoon I was right back to where I was Monday morning. They must have put an "alert" on my chart because they were able to schedule an appointment first thing Wednesday morning with a doctor at my Rockford office. They told me to go into the Emergency Room if I needed care before morning arrived, and repeated that dictate several times to me before ending our conversation. 

Wednesday, August 1: I met the nicest doctor ever. I was sobbing and half hysterical in the examining room and he actually had tears in his eyes listening to my plight. He prescribed a Prednisone Dospak (10 days), as well as a very heavy-duty anti-itching cream, and ordered blood work. He assured me the Prednisone would do the job, but it would be gradual, not immediate. We talked about the probable cause for my condition--which seems to be "stress". Good grief. 

My blood work came back with only some elevated liver enzymes and a little bit high white blood cell count. The doctor said he was actually encouraged that the blood work didn't show anything monumentally medical as the cause of this "reaction." 

Now, it is August 9:  I had been advised to stop my schedule and take a 2-week break, which I have done. I have never slept more in my life, and I am still exhausted. That may be due to the Zyrtec and my tendency to react with sleepiness to almost every medication out there; but at least I am able to sleep at night. 

In these two weeks I have done a great deal of soul-searching, reaching out to the Lord, asking Him to help me live in His truth, obey His command--"Do not be afraid"--stop lying to myself about situations in my family that for some reason cause me trauma, and seek to speak truth in His love. This will take a great work of God's Spirit in my heart because I am a person whose M.O. has always been DENIAL and running away. My body just wouldn't let me get away with it this time and completely rebelled on me. I can honestly say that I have never physically suffered more than that week of intense itching. 

I've also been asking the Lord to give me a SOUND MIND--me and everyone else in my family. God has been very near me throughout this trial, quieting me with His Word, beautiful worship music, giving me peace, encouragement from friends, etc. I've been reading in the Prophets (Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel) because that's where I am in my yearly read-through-the-Bible schedule and the Lord has brought me very good words and truth from them by which to live. 

Isaiah 43:25  "I alone am the one who blots out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again."

Isaiah 45:21  "There is no other God but me--a just God and a Savior--no, not one! Let all the world look to me for salvation! For I am God; there is no other."    v24: "The LORD is the source of all my righteousness and strength."

Isaiah 51.11. "Those who have been ransomed by the LORD will return to Jerusalem, singing songs of everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be overcome with joy and gladness."

Isaiah 64.4  "For since the world began, no ear has heard, and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him!"

Jeremiah 10.23. "I know, LORD, that a person's life is not his own. No one is able to plan his own course. So correct me, LORD, but please be gentle. Do not correct me in anger, for I would die."

Jeremiah 32.17  "O Sovereign Lord! You have made the heavens and earth by your great power. Nothing is too hard for you. You are loving and kind to thousands, though children suffer for their parents' sins. You are the great and powerful God, the Lord Almighty. You are the great and powerful God, the LORD Almighty. You have all wisdom and do great and mighty miracles. You are very aware of the conduct of all people, and you reward them according to their deeds."

I am thankful God continues to speak to me and has promised: "God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again." Philippians 1.6

SO ... "I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be." Philippians 3.12

Please come soon, Lord Jesus.