Tagged!

I didn't notice until late in the day yesterday that I (along with all of you) had been tagged by Sabrina. We are all supposed to choose six words that sum us up today, a rather succinct sort of self-assessment! I will list the six words, but then I have to give explanation ~ I'm in a rambling kind of mood today, so I'm not sure it will be brief.

1. Thankful
2. Blessed
3. Discontented
4. Melancholy
5. Frustrated
6. Trusting

I'm thankful because God has blessed my life in tons of ways ~ materially and otherwise. I live in a nice house in a beautiful and safe neighborhood, drive a cute gas-efficient car, have an overly abundant wardrobe (especially shoes), have no financial indebtedness, etc. I enjoy excellent health, am rather happily married to Mr. Jones, have a blended family of six completely unique children (plus four interesting spouses), eight beautiful grandchildren, a wonderful variety of friends, Nana is safe and sound with Cookie ... so what's with numbers 3, 4 and 5?

Perhaps it's just been a mixed-up week ... my emotions have been everywhere ... something about Jesse being "home" from Iraq yet still being 1600 miles away from Grand Rapids. I struggled with this all week long ~ wanting to jump on a plane or train or bus and just go and see him! We've talked on the phone, and he is healthy and strong and good ... and I am thankful he is with Diana and the kids for his R & R. But I miss him and I miss his family. It's been almost a year now since any of them have been here to my house and I've been in tears all week about it! When I was with them back in March, Jesse was in Iraq! But those days I played with Emma, Chris and Matthew I felt such peace and a deep contentment ... like this was exactly what I was meant to do ... we didn't have to be doing anything special, nothing that cost any money ~ we just colored, made cutouts, read books, climbed on playground equipment ... and my grandma-heart was so FULL. Without them, I feel rather melancholy.

I want to make a difference in this world. Since I can't be a grandma here in Grand Rapids, I have been volunteering at various places and activities. But this week, two of those volunteer events were cancelled, last minute! And so I have a feeling of worthlessness ... and frustration.

It's just that I take seriously the words that Jesus spoke: "Much is required from those to whom much is given ..." (Luke 12:48) I know that He is looking for a "good return on His investment." And so, even though I am not gifted to be a teacher of the 3's over at Calvary Church, I've studied my lesson for tomorrow trusting that God will continue to work good things in me and through me, for His glory. Sorry about all the whining ...