September 5 Dad's Grave

Sunday Morning:  David and I left this morning, quite early, for a two-day jaunt up north. On our way to Mackinac, we decided to go through Higgins Lake and view the house where my parents lived and also to visit my dad's grave. 

This is their modular home--very much in need of cleaning and maintenance. I remember it was quite pretty inside and my mother had it decorated exactly to her taste from top to bottom.

David wasn't exactly sure if he could remember where the graveyard was ... but he did a really good job finding it! We only had to ask one person who was walking along the road--and they directed us without a problem. All the two of us could remember was that dad's grave site was under a big tree.

My father died almost 31 years ago now ... none of us have been to his grave since he died-- which speak volumes ... 

I was rather dreading this whole thing but I was gladly mistaken about a very important matter. You see, all of these years I thought dad's grave stone had one word: "FORGIVEN" on it. I know that's what HE wanted. But it turns out that it just gives his date of birth and death and then the quote: "At home with the Lord."

There was something immensely relieving about NOT finding the word "FORGIVEN" on my dad's marker--not that I don't believe in forgiveness (obviously) ... but as for my own personal experience with him, he never asked my forgiveness for any of the abuse, none of it. I hope he did ask for God's, because I know that's all that really matters anyway. 

In truth, I really didn't feel anything at all while standing near dad's grave: not anger, not sorrow, not bitterness ... just my usual nothingness. It's difficult to make out the words on his marker, probably due to age and inattention. David and I tried to clean it up a bit. I wonder if we will ever return to see it ever again. I'm not sure ...